Monthly Archives: January 2013

C’est Cheesy!

Ah, NYT.  We are amazed that this is news, but glad that you didn’t get gross about it.  It used to be we only got flowery, rather purple prose for wine. Now,  cheese?  For god’s sake, put this in perspective.  Of course, I’ve been to numerous wine tastings that made me want to cry with boredom, and laugh at the one-upmanship, so I think a cheese tasting is in order.  However, if we were charged with describing our favorite fromages, it would go something like this …

GorgonzolaGorgonzola … our favorite of the Bleu (rhymes with bleah).  It is strong and veiny, like the one that nearly got away, who comes back 25 years later and says he’s never stopped loving you, and hopes you feel the same, and all you remember about him is that he had more hair stuff in his bathroom than you.

gruyereGruyere …  Baby Swiss. What is not to love about this tender little morsel?  It’s mellow, a little bit nutty, genial, tranquil, amiable, balmy, calm, tender, forgiving, benign, mild, civil, vague, faint, bland, feeble, weak, wimpy, wussy. Come to think of it, it’s the pushover of cheeses.  Never mind.

GoatGoat cheese … from the most sarcastic farm animal, a cheese that is SO happy to have you eat it, really.  By a person of your discerning tastes, it’s such an honor to be chosen. And that bit of bread you wish to smear this upon?  As glutinous and, well, bready, as it is appropriate.  Last, may I say that is one NICE shirt you’re wearing, very flattering.  Really.  Most people of your girth can’t wear that particular pattern without looking like a Viking.  If you like this cheese,  DO twitter about it.  Tout America is waiting to hear.  Ta.



Danger in the Kitchen

More cutting-edge reporting from the New York Times. (snick)

You stick your finger into an immersion blender, you get cut.  Who knew!  Still, I get it.  Back when I was a kid, our Moms warned us against removing toast from the toaster with a fork, which were known conductors of electrical current.

Now, there are so many new gadgets and geegaws to help cooks with their creations, and so much more to worry about.  A few:

-Vector-Nitro-Butane-TorchButane torches: You are brulee’ing your crème and the flame sputters and dies. Confused, you peer into the place where the flame is supposed to come out, and then press the little trigger thingie repeatedly so you can see if it reignites, and it does … you burn your face.  Danger!

-Pagrill-and-panini-pressnini Presses:  Not sure if the plates on your press will deliver the requisite grill marks to your artisanal bread and and hand-roasted pepper sandwich?  Spritz a little water on the plates and if the drops dance, it’s ready.  Do NOT stick your hand in and close the lid.  Yowza!

ronco injector-Ronco Favor Injector:  To be sure your Thai beef marinade is Thai enough, taste it, fool, don’t inject it into your vein with this hypodermic helper.   Think of the first responders; they have to not be laughing hysterically in order to save your life.  They will talk about it amongst themselves and they will LTAO.

-Commercial-Breville-JuicerJuicers: Electric or manual, press a button or turn a crank, a juicer is de rigeur for the modern cook.  If you find that all your fibrous material has been rendered juice-free and it’s creating a clog, turn the thing off BEFORE you stick your finger into the moving mechanism.  Unless, of course, you are fine with a little more protein in your shake.  LOL!

Any other Kitchen Dangers, post ‘em here.  No fair adding “my partner,” or “vegans.”


Happy Newish Year!

Getting back to reality after a great holiday season and wonderful vacation is always, well, productive in a way that doesn’t seem productive at first.  Cleaning my inbox has taken  90 minutes and 90% of it was spam.  I hope I didn’t toss anyone’s email by accident - if you titled your message FAT LOSS FOR THE NEW YEAR or NO WRINKLES IN 2013, resend, please?

This year I’m all about the food, the eating, and to that I’ve added not-looking-like-a-beach-ball and not going broke in the process.  Cooking classes in January-February-March will focus on good meals that don’t break the bank.  Meals that eliminate or greatly reduce white, refined carbs and sugars (flour, rices, corn, potatoes) are now being tested and should be ready to teach in a few weeks.

Check the calendar for special classes for Valentine’s Day, Mardi Gras, Easter, and early Spring.   Dryer air means it’s Macaron season, too.  As for the Super Bowl, well, since it’s Manning-free this year (sob), who cares.  Okay, me.  We’ll squeeze in a class for an app party for that, complete with shopping list.