Ah, NYT. We are amazed that this is news, but glad that you didn’t get gross about it. It used to be we only got flowery, rather purple prose for wine. Now, cheese? For god’s sake, put this in perspective. Of course, I’ve been to numerous wine tastings that made me want to cry with boredom, and laugh at the one-upmanship, so I think a cheese tasting is in order. However, if we were charged with describing our favorite fromages, it would go something like this …
Gorgonzola … our favorite of the Bleu (rhymes with bleah). It is strong and veiny, like the one that nearly got away, who comes back 25 years later and says he’s never stopped loving you, and hopes you feel the same, and all you remember about him is that he had more hair stuff in his bathroom than you.
Gruyere … Baby Swiss. What is not to love about this tender little morsel? It’s mellow, a little bit nutty, genial, tranquil, amiable, balmy, calm, tender, forgiving, benign, mild, civil, vague, faint, bland, feeble, weak, wimpy, wussy. Come to think of it, it’s the pushover of cheeses. Never mind.
Goat cheese … from the most sarcastic farm animal, a cheese that is SO happy to have you eat it, really. By a person of your discerning tastes, it’s such an honor to be chosen. And that bit of bread you wish to smear this upon? As glutinous and, well, bready, as it is appropriate. Last, may I say that is one NICE shirt you’re wearing, very flattering. Really. Most people of your girth can’t wear that particular pattern without looking like a Viking. If you like this cheese, DO twitter about it. Tout America is waiting to hear. Ta.